Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
It's interesting to learn how little you really know about someone. Even those people you thought you could read like an open book will shock you from time to time. Some shocks are negative, but hopefully they're positive. Sometimes it can happen up to four times in one day :0!
I guess the only thing you can be sure about, is that you can never be sure about anyone.... sure keeps life interesting
My life needs to change. I just can't keep living every single day exactly the same as the day before it and the one before that. It doesn't have to be a complete 180 right away, but something has to happen.
I'm going to stop being so shy. Take some chances.
I've got to try not to be so negative all the time.
I'm going to stop trying to keep face with fake people. I just can't pretend i like you anymore. Buy a coach and get over it.
I'm tired of being used. Helpful is one thing, gullible is another.
I guess i should work on being more feminine, while im doing the whole self-improvement thing.
So, should be simple. In that 'not at all' way.
poor new orleans
A month ago, I woulda told someone this was a piece of cake. yea. sure. no problem. how easy it is to make assumptions when it's not really happening to you. But, i finally find myself in this situation, and i can't do it. So much for not caring. Turns out i do. a lot. Now i can add cowardice to the list of loathesome traits. AHHHHH!!! so difficult! All rational thought leaves me. can't. full sentences. talk. when im lucid! and yet, i wont give up. My stubborness is clashing with the fear. stay tuned to find out which wins...
So it goes
So it's the last Friday night of summer and I find myself sitting at home bored out of my mind. How stupid am I? Oh well, I deserve it I suppose :) Anyway, tonight I started hiphop again so im mad sore and can't move more than my fingers to type. I prolly shouldn't've veged for three months. hehe! I finally got a friend to take the class w/ me tho which is happy. Someone (BY THE NAME OF LENA) bailed on me last year! hmmm I met with my college advisor today. That was MAD FUN! She wants me to go to some hot shot school but my rents are like "$$$$$!!" which is cool i guess cuz i dont want all these crap loans to pay off afterward. Then my dad says, if i go to school up north tho, he knows i'll never come back to Fl. To which i responded that iv never had any intentions of livin in Fl after i graduate. No worries tho. I imagine the freak circus that is my family will follow me wherever i go. hoorays all around.
I'm addicted to peanut m&ms
I still have not found an effective rehab center
The summer's not even over yet and i have regrets. How pathetic. I guess i still have two more days but i know it's not gunna happen. tear and a half
WHY CAN'T I BE HAPPY FOR ONE DAY!?!?!?!?!?!?
Either the expression "you want to have your cake and eat it too" has been vastly taken out of context or the person who came up w/ it was a severe dumbass, second only to the person who uses the phrase. Seriously, if i have a cake OF COURSE IM GOING TO EAT IT!!!! wtf else would i do with it????? put it on display for the ants to come carry it away piece by piece!!! NO THANKS!
Anyway, today started great. I was in a good mood and i actually foolishly thought that nothing could ruin my day. I was actually humming along to the awful music in the office this morning. Then I went to Gerlinde or w/e it's called to get my senior pics. so far so good. then at dinner i bring up trying to rearrange my schedule cuz i currently have lunch with absolutely no one, and my parents go crazy on me!!! They wont let me drop this stupid research class so i can move my schedule. basically, they said if i dont take this class, i wont get into college. Which really helps, lemme tell ya. such an encouraging and nurturing family. Then they said, it doesnt matter that i have to eat alone, because they wouldnt let me eat off campus with my friends anyway. I considered telling them i didnt give a shit cuz it's not like they'd kno where i ate, but i figured that would only worsen my situation.
What I'm basically trying to say is, I've about had it trying to have a good day. The people around me detect that I'm in a good mood and go out of their way to crush it. fine. w/e. I'm just really tired of this crap.
Anyone have F period lunch???
just when you think life couldn't be any more monotonous...
I actually had a good time at work today. I know! ::gasp:: Seriously though, I won't go into details for those who are faint of heart but some of the procedures today were way cool. And then I helped save a life, which was more scary than cool, but it turns out paramedics are quite nice. After lunch I made friends with some old guy posse hanging out in the little italian man's shop next door when i went to get coffee. The little italian man and I are tight being that we share those italian roots and all. And I ended the day by finding out that FILA has been hiding a hot neighbor from me who happens to be a senior at Pope and also wants to go to med school!... it's a small world after all (in sing song)
do me a huge favor
If any of you happen to see me sometime before the week ends (which is highly unlikely considering my situation) please do me a favor and mug me. It'll really finish off this week quite appropriately. Aside from one sweet blessing that could be interpreted as the complete opposite, this week has not been my favoritest. In fact, it has stunk furociously. Luckily there's not too much of it left. I want to be back in Disney where everyone tells you to have a magical day. I imagine it'd be nice to work there b/c im convinced they're put on nearly lethal dosages of Zoloft or some anti-depressant of that nature... not that I'm depressed, but it'd prolly be pleasant to be around people with cheerful dispositions. I wouldn't know.
Mood: humor me w/ ur guesses
I'm just so confused
I've come to realize that it's completely possible to love and hate someone at the same time. I mean wanting to strangle them and hug them in the same instant... which is physically possible actually if you consider that a hug could easily be too tight and turn into a strangle or something... i guess (i wont test it out on u, no worries). but it's very hard to have a conversation when that's the case. you want to curse them out and end the whole friendship right there, but it's almost as if ur addicted and can't. there's some supernatural force drawing u to them. ::shiver:: anyway, it'd be nice to know if anyone else has ever been in such a strange situation; that way, maybe i'll feel a bit better about it or something. apparently, confusion loves company just as much as misery
The plans were set. i had every single possibility covered. it was fool proof. enter 6 year old cousin and his need for a ride home from camp. cue complete meltdown of my escape plan. so here i am stuck in this prison. my prison guard is a squat, overly sensitive 10 year old. if only the sister didn't completely hate me and wasnt part of the dark side. story of my life
i wish i were in school
now that is what we should spend our time learning
Is it possible to miss something you never had? I wouldn't think so but that's totally how i feel right now and it's very strange cuz i don't even know what it is. I just know i never had it but i want it back. very strange. so anyway, if u stole it... watch your back cuz im onto you... scoundrel
this was fun
i noticed ppl were updating again
I dont understand how im so tired yet thinking clearly and fairly alive at the same time. Oh well, I'm not complaining but it's a funny feeling. The next three weeks are gunna be mad fun! i can feel it!!!! church every night this week while simultaneously trying to study for APs!! huzzah (yes i said it). People are driving me completely mad w/ the whole prom thing! ah!!! go away!! evil spirits be gone!!! ::sprinkling of holy water:: satisfied. k so nothing amazing is new. sam's party was bumpin as everyone knew it would be. ppl actually wore togas.. go nerds!! i had a good time... made a pet. ie spencer lol no, not friend, pet. im going to attack a local zoloft rep and start administering them to deserving people. i want a cheeseburger. so iv currently got 2 missions to achieve. i did have four but i failed operation double-agent cupid and totally completed the other one.. which reminds me that i have to talk to mandy. Just two more left. How sixth grade am i? neway, I'm boring so later!
who are u?
Last weekend was really fun. I EXPECT PICTURES... ::cough::Julie that means you::cough::...
Party Friday night was off the hook and Speed Racer has now become my one true passion :)
Relay for Life was fun, just wish i could have stayed longer!!! but partying w/ my grandparents was just as fun... almost
Movie night at my church Sunday night. Saw Ray. nothing special at all. if anything it was just LOOOONG. it was someone's bright idea (CICI!!!) to watch the extended version with all the deleted crap! so that makes it somewhere around.. Cici's Bad Decisions:342 Good ones:3 Let's clap it up for her!
Interning at Dr Paul's today was great. I learned so much. The best part tho, was i realized that i was going in the right direction as far as career goals go... im a bio nerd... nuf said
Babies are sooo cute!!! regardless of what silly boys say.
and a special thanks to my secret admirer for the icon
i haven't updated in a while...
I feel like all of my outlets are being closed off.
People are talking behind my back.
Others just don't feel the need to tell me things anymore.
There's no one to talk to
I basically just feel like I'm standing in a small empty cubicle
Wallpapered with AP work.
So what do i do?
Have i backed myself into this corner?
I just feel like there's no where to go from here and although i dont like it, i really dont have the urge to try and change it.
Guess that makes it my fault
Either way, it's suffocating and that's one of my very few fears
Sometimes life will send you a small surprise that you just can't help but smile at, no matter how simple.
this weekend wasn't too bad
friday night was fun w/ jess and lena... stalking ppl in ruby tuesdays, stealing mannequins, making people believe we were lesbians (or just me) ... good clean fun lol then saturday was the bowling alley for my cousin's bday where no one else invited could read... good times. unfortunately i couldnt go to J's party! :( even though i cleaned half the house, it just wasn't gunna cut it this time. then today dance was unreasonably painfully long, but i made the A team!! yay and ill get my schedule for the festival wednesday so i can tell all you people that want to come when im dancing!!! yay. hmmm what else. my sister has a few friends over for a sleepover and they wont shut up. i have no idea what's so funny but they sound like there's 20 of them in that room instead of 3. i went in to get something and they sprayed me w/ some nail polish drying shit that was really really cold and uber smelly... they're like a different specie. i apologize to everyone for ever being that age, altho im sure i was no where near as annoying. and one of them just asked me if james was my bf cuz he stopped by for a lil bit. wow i really really hate them w/ a passion. and now i have to go tell my sister that they can't wear my shoes for her lil fashion show cuz they prolly have foot lice or fungus or something crawling on their feet that i dont want.
Ask me five questions. Any five no matter how personal, private, or random. I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all. In turn you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked to you.
~I'm only doing this b/c i asked someone else questions and realized after that i have to post it in return....i should read the directions more often. so DONT ANSWER AND FALL INTO THE CAPITALISTS' TRAP!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!! 2005 whoooooooaaaaaaa!!!! we're old, really really old. i was talkin to this lil girl that said you only get 10 christmases and then i realized i had had 16. lol when i was lil i used to tell my parents that they were so old they must be TEN!!! hehe i didnt make any resolutions this year. i figure i make the same exact ones every year and they never work so maybe this year if i just keep them in mind "unofficially" it'll work out. pf here's hoping! i didnt get the coin in the vasilopita which is sad. it's like this sweet bread that has a coin in it that we have on new years, and whoever gets the piece with the coin gets good luck for that year. my sister got it in my family's loaf and the one we had at my aunt's party tonight :( stupid lil kid doesnt need any more luck!
hmmm my laptop just fell from my desk onto the floor and it's still working... BEAST!! lol
i loOove you!
i just have to say that all of you are amazing friends. thank you so much for being so wonderful. some people are just huge assholes that just judge before getting to kno a person. so thanks for giving me a chance to show you who i m. if you dont like who i m, that's fine, we all have our own opinions. ugh some ppl are so senseless and petty and just should take a minute and for once in their pathetic lives think of someone other than themselves! would it really kill them? i dont think so! grrrrrr you kno what skaru them! they can kiss my rear cuz im twice the person they could ever hope to measure up to! wow so i just had an obnoxious night. superficial ppl should be wiped off the face of the earth. NO ONE WOULD MISS THEM! alright im gunna go before i continue to ramble on and on. lol the point of this post was just to tell all of you that i totally treasure our friendship!!! even if we dont talk that much and ur just reading this cuz ur bored or w/e. I LoOove you all!!!!!!!!
i think we were just bombed...
a loud boom went off that lit up the sky but it was way too loud to be a firework, it set off a car alarm across the street, and then there was another one 5 minutes later. my parents dont believe we're being bombed.. that's fine... MORE ROOM IN THE SHELTER FOR ME!!! if we had one..
christmas was great! i was surprised i got such amazing gifts considering i didnt really want anything, guess i secretly did. the best part was the 4 straight hours of pool! lol irene, the four of us are sooo competitive! our pool table is cursed, whoever is solids will lose, every single time. i got two piano books, so im taking the hint and i'm gunna reteach myself how to play. and my brother got an electric guitar so i plan to learn that w/ him. (yea, right. since i got so much time to kill)
my sister got this set of perfumes and two of them were really bad old lady smellin things and we somehow got into a fight with them, spraying each other (i started it) so now we both stink but my sister got to the shower first. i think my shoulder's allergically reacting.... im just not meant to be old, smells included. the best part was tho, the spraying all went down in my brother's room so now he has to live with the stank.
so i guess you can say ive been doin some family bonding this week. it's the holidays so i dont mind that much. i just hope this next week doesnt go by too quickly, im really enjoyin all this relaxin
oh the weather outside is frightful
ok so i wanted to update even tho i dont really have anything to talk about. im hoping ill just think of something... so waking up in my new room is really scary cuz at first i have absolutely no idea where i m or why im so close to the floor. lol but decorating it is so fun... im learning all about this matching/organization stuff :) not that i plan on any of it carrying over into other aspects of my life. heaven forbid
now that grounding is over i still have to give a limb to get out which is kinda lame but w/e. i just have to bargain... clean a bathroom for a movie. this new method might work, might crash and burn. lol who knows.
So does anyone else sometimes get the feeling that to grow closer to friends, it's usually at the expense of other friendships? like to get closer to one friend you start to distance urself from another? idk it's weird and hard to explain. i kno it shouldnt be that way either b/c i should be able to make new frinds but keep the old *breaks into girl scouts song* "one is silver but the other's gold" lol sry craZ flashbacks. so anyway, if u kinda understand, lend ur opinion?
and now for the never ending crusade for food
i'm so excited!!!!!!! break finally came! so did my bed which looks absolutely amazin! lol yay! last night at lena's was fun. we totally got attacked by a KILLER PIGEON!!! it was like waiting for us in the stairwell in the mizner parking garage! lol we screamed so loud. and just so you know, that elevator goes to level four when you push three so watch out!!! lena's car is out to get me. im sure of it. the doors wont open for me, the trunk refused to close for anyone but lena... it obviously feels threatened by me. lol. this cush thing jess got me has provided hours of entertainment!! lol it entertains my fingers just like the card says (and is softer than jessi's butt)
im so exhausted! i've been helping put together and move furniture around all day. tiring! but it's all looking good and the house is coming together FINALLY so that makes me happy.
the cousins just came
Deck the Halls
So this weekend was actually not that bad. we put up our lights outside, bought and decorated a tree. i went christmas caroling last night which was really fun despite the sadness of the nursing homes/ CiCi's annoying personality. I CAN NOT STAND THAT GIRL! lol Peter called her the fat girl with messed up teeth, or something like that. fun stuff. we pit-stopped @ Krispy Kreme (saving christmas btw) and since we were such a big crowd, we all got like three free doughnuts. Steph then spilled water on her WHITE skirt and while we were in the bathroom fixing this dire situation, everyone got back in the cars and we come out of the one room bathroom laughing and Father Paul is just standing there looking at us like "what were you two doing in there?" hehehe oops. then Mark kept trying to race Irene's dad and as he would drive by, Greg would like hang out of the passenger window and make these paddling motions. lol so cute! oh! and then Irene's dad told this old guy that i was a die hard pool player b/c the old man started showing off all his trophies and he wanted to get away. So im stuck standing there listening to this ancient guy recall the good old days and tell me how long he spends practicing pool every day!! lol anyway, yea i kno you prolly dont kno these ppl but i had a really good time even tho some of the girls were being cliquey. good times
PS - GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!